You and I have lived with each other for years but I have never seen you so loud, so angry and in such a mess. I don’t remember you being so anxious. I wonder what’s wrong, did I upset you or did I upset you? Why won’t you talk to me, please tell me? Don’t shun me like this at least give me a chance. I am here to listen to your silence just the way you are always here for me to listen to my thoughts.
Oh! Thoughts. Gosh! You heard my thoughts. Didn’t you? No, please let me explain I didn’t mean to hurt you. Oh my God please don’t think I was despising you. I was not. I…I… I was scared. I was worried and I panicked. I was trapped into my insecurities of immunity experiencing a strange transformation from being a human to a rat living in a hole away from fellow human contact. I was overwhelmed, all my beliefs were shaken so much so that I failed to notice that it’s not for the first time I am lonely. This is the way I have always been like. And now that I think about it I was lonely even when I was standing in a crowd of people who claimed to know me. I was lonely when I was understood and misunderstood when I was taken or forsaken. I have been lonely in this world and inside myself till the time I was dependent on what was outside me but the moment, I bumped into you things changed and so did I. Isolation, it’s you who taught me to listen to the music of silence. With you, I was set free from the need to say or clarify. With you, I understood the comfort of nothing to judge and no obligation to be judged. Because of you, I got rid of the noises recorded in my head with the remote control in the hands that were not mine. With you, I stepped into consciousness learning the art of unlearning and making a journey from loneliness to solitude. But sometimes outside noises are so loud that I lose my balance and I turn my back towards you. I am really sorry but trust me I didn’t mean to. So Dear isolation don’t be upset. I am still exploring this new state of being and I can’t promise I will not fall again but I promise I will not stop trying to bring back my consciousness to what I believe not what I am convinced to believe.
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Opening the blinds.
Her ‘Self’ is a collection of poetry about the female spirit that raises her voice to say no. It’s about when a woman stops waiting for someone to save her but becomes her own saviour. It’s about her choice to express her suppressed self. Her ‘self’ throws light on the transition of a girl going through brutal judgments, pain, mental abuse, loss and identity crisis to a confident woman who knows to take control and also knows to control herself.
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