Why is it taking so long?
It has been years now.
I have been working on this for forever?
What am I doing wrong?
Will, it ever happen or I will be stuck here for the rest of my life?
Do I need to fail every time?
How much longer do I need to wait?
When is it going to work?
I mean there is not even a sign.
At least something would have happened by now.
Some kind of movement must have happened.
Am I on a wrong track?
I wish I could talk to someone but already everyone thinks I am crazy.
But I wish somebody could tell me what to do which door to knock?
I am in the middle of this I can’t even turn back.
What am I suppose to do?
How do I figure this out?
Just pause.
Stop talking.
Stop pushing your self.
Stop please stop.
Before this season of waiting turns you insane and you lose the track of time and get lost in the thoughts of defeat.
Do a little fact check and use your memory for you and not against you. Instead of reminding yourself how behind, you are how about you remind yourself how far you have reached.
- Remember those days of high school when that assignment felt like the end of the world and it appeared as if you will fail again and you will never be able to make it to college?
Every time you tried to finish it you ended up procrastinating, delaying, and getting angry but somehow you managed one page at a time and today you have a Graduate degree.
- Remember those mean girls in college who made fun of you, those awful relatives who not even treated you as human and those neighbours who practically destroyed your social life and remember how you walked away from them and created a social circle for yourself where they know your boundaries and also respect them.
- Remember how naive you use to be. You were always available for everyone even if they throw you under the bus. And how you grew up to a woman who they first call and ask if you are available.
- Remember the guy you dated who thought he is doing you a favour by being in a relationship with you.
Remember how devasted you were when he broke your heart and you felt like dying. You believed you are not good enough for anyone and nobody will ever love you. And how he gossiped about you with his friends until one day you looked at yourself in the mirror and told yourself that’s it, he is not worth it, this is where I draw the line. And since then you were the one everyone is looking at including him but you are looking at your purpose.
- Remember when your loved one was sick and doctors were trying their level best and outside the emergency, you waited thinking what next and just then you heard a voice, ma’am! Ma’am! We need this injection immediately and you pulled yourself back wiped your tears and rushed to the pharmacy as if this is the final race of your life.
You didn’t know will you be able to make it or not? But you ran without thinking because you wanted your loved one to make it. The truth is everything is not under your control but running is and after you finish the race when you see your loved cheering for you, you know the mission is accomplished.
So why do you think this time the mission will be compromised?
If you figured it out at that time why do you think you won’t be able to figure out this time?
If you still have doubt yourself look at the smile of your loved one you were racing for.
If waiting and racing worked at that time why won’t it work now?
It has been a while I know but did it happen overnight back then?
So, it’s taking a while it is supposed to take. You just stick to the plan.
Every time you think of I am behind, I made a wrong choice, its time to give up just remind yourself about the race you never gave up even when your lungs were screaming no more, no more and your heart was yelling I am about to explode and your soul said RUN.
The point is no you’re not behind you are exactly where you are supposed to be in your race so finish what you started because it’s worth it.
“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”
Maya Angelou
