When they go low we go high but why?
When they go low you go high, but why?
Why should I take the high road? Why should I take the heat? These days there is a new mantra around that appears appealing to me they say: if you have to be the bigger person every time then you must be living among small people and I can relate to it. It’s time to take back control because I deserve to be respected.
This is what I was chanting as I was walking to confront the person who has been disrespecting me and taking my patience for granted for a while now. It has been more than three months since I have given the dress to be stitched. Yes, I am talking about a tailor in front of whom I feel helpless to react because of the belief system planted in my brain at a very young age.
I was supposed to wear the dress at my cousin’s wedding but every time I ask him about the dress, he made excuses I have too many orders, I am not well or I was not in the town. It appeared either he has lost the fabric or ruined it. I did not argue or showed any sign of resentment not because I didn’t want to but because he was of my father’s age so I just couldn’t. He might have sensed it therefore he used the respect card against me as much as he could.
But this time I had enough so finally, I replied: “I don’t want to get it stitched anymore just return me the fabric”. As he saw my temperature rising, he again started playing the same game but this time added a little emotional blackmail with it. My mother who was standing next to me told me to calm down and push the delivery date further and again I returned home empty hand.
He gave me a new date only to continue the game a couple more times. I felt humiliated and incapable to defend myself and I was not very proud of it. That evening I was so frustrated that I prayed and asked God am I a coward? It was not about the dress anymore but something much deeper than that.
This is not the first time when I am feeling mentally paralysed. I have been pushed away all my life. Disrespected, forced to smile when I am miserable inside, shut down in the name of respect, love and age and I never retaliated. I often ask myself if there is something wrong with me?
Why can’t I react? Why my conscious, my inner being stop me? The roots of the theory of going high when they go low are so strong that controlling anger is a target. Being a woman of faith, I could see the lesson of patience and surrender scripted in different ways right from scriptures to the internet, mundane life, family and spirituality.
There were opportunities to yell, and of course, I had the best replies but no I am not allowed to play sarcasm on the road of faith. I am supposed to surrender my worries, fears and also my anger to God. I have to give my battles to Him and take the high road and I have no idea to which highway is He taking me.
So, here I am arguing with my inner being why shouldn’t I reply? I have given him so many chances and this is the time to give him the taste of his own medicine. But my inner being plays the same record. To which I reply ok maybe I should not fight or argue with a middle-aged man but he should be taught a lesson for his unprofessional and rude behaviour. And the inner being goes one step further by saying that God is giving me a chance to cleanse my soul so I should stick to the high road and if God wants to teach the tailor a lesson then he will do it on His own. I try to convince her one more time what if He is using me as an instrument to teach him a lesson. Now the inner being gives me the final verdict: “you don’t know that. You just surrender and what belongs to you will come to you”.
By this time, I was exhausted from trying to take control and fix the situation. I still wanted my dress back, still needed to know that am I a coward but I didn’t want to punish myself for trusting the tailor or for respecting or loving anybody else in my life.
This exhaustion allowed me to detach myself from the consequences and an urge to be respected and to be taken seriously. Now my mind is not stuck in the dress. I know he will eventually give it back and his behaviour is his karma why should I pollute my mind with anger? Just when I let go of control, I received a call it was the tailor. Yes, the dress is ready.
The next day I am sitting in the lobby waiting for him to hand it over to me. I was done but he was not he made me wait with the same attitude for another fifteen minutes but I didn’t let this bother me because I knew this is the last time, I am dealing with him. Just then he received a call his face dropped and his staff panicked. Turns out few of his clients have made a complaint against him and he may have to suffer some legal repercussions. He was scared and embarrassed I paid the bill, collected the dress and left.
On the way back home, I recollected the entire episode. What was that? So, was this his lesson? Should I have been part of this? What if God wanted me to join other clients to complain against him? Or maybe I was part of this? May be every single day of the past three months, maybe every client he misbehaved with or if he would have behaved well at least today was his chance to improve himself and maybe being patient with him was my role.
God works in mysterious ways and who knows he uses you in his plan as a whistleblower or as a situation leading to its final destination. But I do know one thing it could have happened in my absence but God made sure that I know I have his back. The silence was not my cowardness it was the surrender of my anger, ego and expectations to God, it was the lesson that I needed to learn through this experience.
I am glad I didn’t react to the rude behaviour of the man of my father’s age as I don’t have to be the bigger person every time but I certainly don’t want to be the smaller one. I am glad I walked away in dignified silence instead of claiming I deserve respect because what they hear is, I am begging for respect. There will be moments when I have to respond and I will choose to respond not to react.
I didn’t know why to go high when they go low? Now I know.
When they go low you go high, but why?
Why should I take the high road? Why should I take the heat? These days there is a new mantra around that is gaining momentum according to which if you have to be the bigger person every time then you must be living among small people and I can relate to it. It’s time to take back control because I deserve to be respected.
This is what I was chanting as I was walking to confront the person who has been disrespecting me and taking my patience for granted for a while now. It has been more than three months since I have given the dress to be stitched. Yes, I am talking about a tailor in front of whom I feel helpless to react because of the belief system planted in my brain at a very young age.
I was supposed to wear the dress at my cousin’s wedding but every time I ask him about it, he made excuses I have too many orders, I am not well or I was not in the town. It appeared either he has lost the fabric or ruined it. I did not argue or showed any sign of resentment not because I didn’t want to but because he was of my father’s age so I just couldn’t. He might have sensed it therefore he used the respect card against me as much as he could.
But this time I had enough so finally, I replied: “I don’t want to get it stitched anymore just return me the fabric”. As he saw my temperature rising, he again started playing the same game but this time added a little emotional blackmail with it. My mother who was standing next to me told me to calm down and push the delivery date further and again I returned home empty hand.
He gave me a new date only to continue the game a couple more times. I felt humiliated and incapable to defend myself and I was not very proud of it. That evening I was so frustrated that I prayed and asked God am I a coward? It was not about the dress anymore but something much deeper than that.
This is not the first time when I am feeling mentally paralysed. I have been pushed away all my life. Disrespected, forced to smile when I am miserable inside, shut down in the name of respect, love and age and I never retaliated. I often ask myself if there is something wrong with me?
Why can’t I react? Why my conscious, my inner being stops me? The roots of the theory of going high when they go low are so strong that controlling anger is a target. Being a woman of faith, I could see the lesson of patience and surrender scripted in different ways right from scriptures to the internet, mundane life, family and spirituality.
There were opportunities to yell, and of course, I had the best replies but no I am not allowed to play sarcasm on the road of faith. I am supposed to surrender my worries, fears and also my anger to God. I have to give my battles to Him and take the high road and I have no idea to which highway is He taking me.
So, here I am arguing with my inner being why shouldn’t I reply? I have given him so many chances and this is the time to give him the taste of his own medicine. But my inner being plays the same record. To which I reply ok maybe I should not fight or argue with a middle-aged man but he should be taught a lesson for his unprofessional and rude behaviour. And the inner being goes one step further by saying that God is giving me a chance to cleanse my soul so I should stick to the high road and if God wants to teach the tailor a lesson then he will do it on His own. I try to convince her one more time what if He is using me as an instrument to teach him a lesson. Now the inner being gives me the final verdict: “you don’t know that. You just surrender and what belongs to you will come to you”.
By this time, I was exhausted from trying to take control and fix the situation. I still wanted my dress back, still needed to know that am I a coward? But now I didn’t want to punish myself for trusting the tailor or for respecting or loving anybody else in my life.
This exhaustion allowed me to detach myself from the consequences and an urge to be respected and to be taken seriously. Now my mind is not stuck in the dress. I know he will eventually give it back and his behavior is his karma why should I pollute my mind with anger? Just when I let go of control, I received a call from the tailor. Yes, the dress is finally ready.
The next day I am sitting in the lobby waiting for him to hand it over to me. I was done but he was not he made me wait with the same attitude for another fifteen minutes but I didn’t let this bother me because I knew this is the last time, I am dealing with him. Just then he received a call his face dropped and his staff panicked. Turns out few of his clients have made a complaint against him and he may have to suffer some legal repercussions. He was scared and embarrassed I paid the bill, collected the dress and left.
On the way back home, I recollected the entire episode. What was that? So, was this his lesson? Should I have been part of this? What if God wanted me to join other clients to complain against him? Or maybe I was part of this? Maybe every single day of the past three months, maybe every client he misbehaved with, or if he would have behaved well at least today, maybe being patient with him was my role.
God works in mysterious ways and who knows he uses you in his plan as a whistleblower or as a situation leading to its final destination. But I do know one thing it could have happened in my absence but God made sure that I know I have his back. The silence was not my cowardness it was the surrender of my anger, ego and expectations to God, it was the lesson that I needed to learn through this experience.
I am glad I didn’t react to the rude behaviour of the man of my father’s age as I don’t have to be the bigger person every time but I certainly don’t want to be the smaller one. I am glad I walked away in dignified silence instead of claiming I deserve respect because what they hear is, I am begging for respect. There will be moments when I have to respond and I will choose to respond not to react.
I didn’t know why to go high when they go low? Now I know.
